Monday Musings: Identity

“You are not who you think you are, you are who others perceive you to be.”

My dad lays that tidbit of wisdom upon me from time to time. At some level, that is certainly true. To that other person, whatever they think about you is their reality. Often, no matter how much you would like to change their perspective or how much you have changed yourself, you cannot make that person change their perception of you. At times, I may think I am portraying a certain image to find out later my self-image is not what was perceived at all. (This brings to mind a few childhood memories that are painfully embarrassing to recall.)

At another level, though, I am not what others think of me. My true self may be in addition to, or despite, what others believe of me. We all must come to terms with that reality at some point in our lives, and hopefully become comfortable with it. Perhaps that is why identity is written about and discussed so often. It is certainly why finding our identity in Christ is so important and prevalent in Christian circles.

Often, it can be difficult to ascertain who we are and who we believe ourselves to be when circumstances and other voices ring deafeningly in our ears. While it takes time and hard work to look inwardly and honestly evaluate ourselves, it is important work. Determining who you are and who you want to be is not wasted effort. Blanks will inevitably occur, though. Reaching into God’s Word to help fill in those blanks is vital. Sound counsel, professional or otherwise, helps as well. The view we have of ourselves drives not only our actions, but also how we treat ourselves, our bodies, and those around us (even on the internet.)

Constantly changing how we view ourselves based upon others’ perceptions of us is exhausting, at best, and can actually be detrimental to us. That road can lead to depression and making choices we regret. It does not help when opinions can change rapidly, often without a clear motive or rationale.

As with most matters in life, balance is key. A razor thin edge lies between finding security in your own identity and understanding how others perceive you and its effects upon your life. I hope that each tentative step I take in self-analysis held under the light of God’s Word brings me closer to finding that balance and peace.

How have you found success in navigating that narrow path between finding security in your own identity while understanding and managing others’ perceptions of you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.